Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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