I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
