i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
