I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
