i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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