No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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