How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
