My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize