i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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