Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
