Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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