i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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