I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
