from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would fuck him just for his dog
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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