I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
