Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
