It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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