He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
