I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
