ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
