I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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