So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
