loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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