im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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