if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
