i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
