Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
