he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
