Don't you send me to vm
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize