i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
