Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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