are you so shy because you have an std?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
