the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
