Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
