Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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