Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
