getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize