dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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