One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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