i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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