today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
