its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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