Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
