Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
