But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
