i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
