This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
