If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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