So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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