my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He passed out mid-signature
The beer is more important than you right now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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