I looked at my own cervix.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
