oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
