When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
where are my eyebrows?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
