My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
