I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
