I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
