I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
