apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
