You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize