dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
