rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
