ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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