So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
