I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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