Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
