I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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