mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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